Parenting Young Adults: Back-to-School Transitions
By Ben Rea
Every August, parents feel the shift—our kids head back to school, and for those with teens or college-aged young adults, the transition is both exciting and unsettling. There’s pride, hope, and sometimes grief.
This season is a reminder: parenting doesn’t end, it evolves.
The Art of Letting Go (Without Disconnecting)
As your child moves further into independence, your role shifts. You’re no longer the daily decision-maker—you’re becoming a guide.
Letting go doesn’t mean losing connection; it means trusting the foundation you’ve built. At the same time, science shows that the brain’s decision-making center is still developing well into the mid-20s (National Institute of Mental Health). Your young adult is still learning how to manage risk, focus, and long-term goals.
Parenting tip: Replace control with curiosity. Instead of “Did you finish your homework?” try “How are you managing your workload this week?”
Expectations vs. Reality
Parents often hope for smooth sailing—good grades, healthy friendships, no major setbacks. But reality is messier.
Perfection is the enemy of growth. Allowing your young adult to stumble builds resilience and adaptability. Stress, in manageable doses, can even strengthen capacity to recover—what matters most is having the tools to reset through sleep, exercise, and supportive relationships (American Psychological Association).
Parenting tip: Celebrate effort and persistence over outcomes. Ask, “What did you learn from that challenge?” instead of “Did you win?”
The Science of Communication & Trust
When young adults feel heard, it does more than ease tension—it changes how their brains respond to stress. Research shows that social support can calm the body’s stress response by lowering cortisol and increasing oxytocin, a hormone that deepens trust and connection. True connection happens when kids feel seen and not judged. A calm, supportive presence also helps regulate stress—literally shaping how their body processes difficult emotions (AJOB Neuroscience).
Even simple communication—listening without judgment, offering reassurance, or just showing up—helps regulate emotions. The brain’s self-control centers become more active, making it easier to cope with challenges and bounce back after setbacks.
Takeaway for parents: Every time you respond with empathy instead of criticism, you’re not just building trust—you’re strengthening your child’s capacity for resilience. Instead of pushing for details, create safe openings:
“I’m here if you want to talk.”
“You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
Supporting Mental Health
Anxiety, loneliness, and burnout are common during transitions. Normalize conversations around mental health.
Suggest campus resources, online support, and therapy as tools- NOT last resorts (Active Minds).
Model healthy routines: balanced sleep, exercise, time off screens (JED Foundation, Actually Getting Sleep in College).
Parenting tip: Ask, “What helps you reset when things feel overwhelming?” instead of prescribing solutions.
Taking Care of Yourself
Here’s the truth: your child’s transition is your transition, too. Parents often forget their own needs.
Build your own routine.
Stay connected with supportive peers.
Make space for your identity beyond parenting.
Self-compassion is contagious, and when parents practice stress-recovery habits—like mindfulness, exercise, and healthy sleep—they model resilience more powerfully than words ever could (Child Mind Institute).
When Extra Support Helps
Transitions back to school can bring up a mix of excitement and stress—for students adjusting to new routines and for parents navigating changing roles. I work with both sides to create a space where:
Students build coping skills for stress, anxiety, and time management.
Parents learn communication strategies that foster trust, connection, and independence.
Families strengthen relationships through guidance on boundaries, empathy, and healthy support.
Focus stays on growth, not perfection, helping students gain confidence while parents feel empowered.
Through therapy, we address the emotional and practical challenges of this season, ensuring both parents and students feel heard, supported, and equipped to thrive.
Learn more about therapy in San Luis Obispo and how it can support your family during this season of change.
Final Thought
Back-to-school isn’t just about new classes or dorm move-ins—it’s about the ongoing evolution of your relationship.
By leading with compassion, science-backed tools, and a willingness to stay present, you can help them thrive—and model resilience for life.
